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TIPS FOR MINIMIZING SIBLING SQUABBLES Much of the advice from individuals and experts comes down to initiating these difficult conversations well in advance. • Have the end-of-life
discussion early and try to make your caregiving wishes as clear as possible and legally binding. There are many resources at AARP to create conversations around wishes, advanced directives
and health care proxies. • Hire an end-of-life care manager (if that's in the budget) who can act as a third-party knowledgeable resource to provide local options, especially if you
don't live nearby. This can also reduce decisions and infighting. • Don't have regrets about being connected as a parent fails. When you think about them, pick up the phone and
call, even if the conversation lasts a minute. • Don't be the archetypical child who lives far away but swoops in with all the demands and “great” ideas about a parent's care. Your
job as the sibling who is not on the front lines is to say thank-you to the one who is. • Try not to bring your childhood self to the caregiving situation, but DO ask for what you need from
your siblings. There is nothing more corrosive than holding in the resentment and continuing to do it yourself. • Change language when asking siblings to pitch in, and be really specific.
Instead of asking “Can you do this?” try your version of “Dad needs to go to the cardiologist on April 1 at 11 a.m. Please make arrangements to take him. Here is the doctor's number,
and I told Dad you'd call and confirm with him tonight.” • Quit expecting your siblings to be involved in the same way or with the same approach as you. Once you change expectations,
you can focus on how you want to engage in the caregiving situation and operate so that you have no regrets when your loved one is gone.