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A. This letter arrived in my inbox not so long ago. I just want to make the point that it is _very weird_ to read about business trips and parties. The only way my brain can process this is
to assume you live somewhere like New Zealand. Let’s go with that. It’s time to have a talk with your girlfriend about whether she can be with someone who’s building a career like yours.
You’re not a partner who can promise weekends. You also might have some last-minute obligations. But if you can be around whenever it really counts, and be fully present with her when you’re
in her company, is that enough for her? For now? The party seemed to be a test. It didn’t sound very important (it’s not like you were missing a close friend’s wedding.) You story makes it
seem like she wanted to know that if you had to, you’d choose her. That’s no way to evaluate a relationship. It’d be better to know what moments are important, the ones you can promise not
to miss, ever. It would also be helpful to talk about the apartment process. What can you do to make her feel less alone? You say she’s a big help to you, but how can you be there for her?
Maybe it’s just your disappointment talking, but if you’re right about your girlfriend not taking your work seriously, this _is_ a bit doomed. This idea that she undervalues what you do …
that’s something that can ruin a relationship. You have to figure out whether that’s true. You want a partner who loves you at home and at work. That’s who you are. Talk to her about all of
this – calmly, and when you’re not already in conflict – and get some answers about what’s really missing. – Meredith Readers? Is it one or the other? Is it possible this was more about the
apartment hunt?