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Extensive research from Europe’s leading mathematicians has revealed that the likelihood of Arsenal drawing Bayern Munich was ‘at least 100%’, suggesting that the way we understand
probability is fundamentally flawed. Statisticians had set out with the logical hypothesis that Arsenal could draw Bayern Munich, Benfica, Bayer Leverkusen, Real Madrid, Porto or Sevilla in
the last 16 of the Champions League, but when researchers set up a computer programme to simulate the draw they found the Gunners were paired with Bayern in every one of the 100,000 draws
they performed. Even when Bayern were deleted from the draw simulation, Arsenal still managed to be drawn against them. You may like This apparent statistical anomaly led the team from the
European Institute of Statistics to suspect a fault with their algorithm, but they found that manually attempting to override the system and putting Arsenal alongside Sevilla caused a
potentially devastating ripple effect. “As soon as Arsenal’s name was written next to Sevilla, the entire computer system started to crash,” researcher Professor Damien Byrne told
_FourFourTwo_. “Then the lights in the building started to flicker and the ground shook. “We looked outside and the sky had turned blood red. So after that we put Arsenal back playing Bayern
and everything went back to normal.” The best features, fun and footballing quizzes, straight to your inbox every week. Glitch Observers have reported that at exactly the time Arsenal were
paired with Sevilla, manager Arsene Wenger appeared to lose his material form and briefly took the appearance of Pep Guardiola, before reappearing as the draw was righted, insisting that he
hadn’t had a good view of his brief sublimation. “It appears that we may have opened a portal to a parallel universe where Arsenal had a decent shot at getting through to the
quarter-finals,” Byrne admitted. “It’s my belief that this is the strongest evidence yet to support the multiverse theory that our universe is just one of an infinite number of universes
simultaneously playing out. “We’ve always tended to rule that out because no rational mind can conceive of a universe where Arsenal don’t disappoint in Europe any more than it can imagine
someone apart from Wenger on the touchline, or the fans at the Emirates putting together an audible chant.” _Please note: This satirical news story is not real. Obviously._ _More Back of the
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