The pandemic has been hard on everyone, but it’s been especially hard on parents. How do you juggle working from home and homeschooling your kids at the same time? I cannot help you with

that. What I _can_ help you with is getting them to agree to do that homework you’ve assigned them. Try the “door-in-the-face” technique. THE DOOR-IN-THE-FACE TECHNIQUE The

“door-in-the-face” technique, also known as the “rejection-then-moderation” procedure is a psychological strategy where you ask someone to do something that you know they will not agree to.

Then, when they decline, you ask for something smaller. The smaller thing is the thing you really want. After asking for the really big thing, the person will be more willing to agree to the

_years_ as a personal counsellor for delinquent teens. Everyone said no, of course. But then the researchers followed it up with the same request to spend two hours at the zoo with the

delinquent teens. Now _51% were willing to go to the zoo_. Asking for the big thing (spending two years as a personal counsellor) got a “door-in-the-face” reaction — everyone said no. But

after asking for it, the participants were much more willing to do something smaller, two-hour zoo visit. WHY DOES IT WORK? It works because one of the things that guide humans behaviour is

a strong _norm of reciprocity_. When someone does something for us, we feel like we should do something for them in return. So, for example, when someone gives us a gift, we feel like we

should give them one back as well. This norm has been studied for many years, and is said to be universal: virtually all human cultures have an expectation that gifts and favours should be

reciprocated. Adherence to this norm creates trusting relationships and helps bind groups together. It’s a “vital principle of society.” The norm of reciprocity explains why we feel

uncomfortable if someone gives us a gift at Christmas and we didn’t get them something. Or why, when we receive a compliment, we feel like we also should give one back. Going against this

norm feels uncomfortable for most of us. WE RETURN CONCESSIONS AS WELL It’s not just gifts or favours that we feel compelled to return. We feel pressure to return concessions as well. And

that’s at the heart of the door-in-the-face technique. The person first asks for something bigger than they actually want. When they and are told “no”, it allows them to make a concession by

asking for something less. Now that they’ve given a concession, the other person feels like they should give one too. So they agree to the smaller request. Because the researchers in the

above study gave the students a concession, the university students felt like they had to give one back. So they agreed to the two-hour zoo trip even when they might not have agreed if they

hadn’t been asked to do the two-year counselling gig. This ploy gets its name because the person making the request _wants _the door slammed in their face (think door-to-door salesman). It’s

very effective. PRINCIPLES For it to work, you have to have these conditions: * The first request must be large enough that it will be refused, but not so large that it will cause

resentment. * There must be an opportunity to compromise by agreeing to a second request. * The second request must be related to the first request and come from the same person. HERE’S HOW

IT LOOKS FOR YOUR KIDS. Another study tested this technique out with children and homework. They asked one group of children to do a 20 question assignment. Only 35% agreed to do it. In

another group, they first asked the children to do 100 questions. When the kids refused, the researchers asked if they would do 20 questions instead. This time _90% agreed._ They used the

same principles: ask for something big first that your child will probably not want to do. They will “slam the door in your face” and say no. Then ask for something smaller (what you really

want). They will be more likely to agree to this than they would be if you did not ask for the bigger thing. Here are some examples for you. HOMEWORK EXAMPLE: You want them to write a

paragraph on Hellen Keller. * First, ask them if they want to write 4 pages on Hellen Keller. * When they say no, ask them to write a paragraph instead. READING EXAMPLE: You want them to

read one chapter. * Ask them if they can read their whole book before dinner time. They’ll say no. * Then you ask if they can at least read one chapter. They’re much more likely to say yes

than if you asked for this initially. CLEANING EXAMPLE: You want them to clean their room. * Ask them if they would clean the whole house. They’ll say no. * Then ask them if they would clean

their room. They’ll be more likely to say yes than they would be otherwise. IS THIS MANIPULATIVE? Maybe, I don’t know. This technique _is_ often used as a sales technique, so… probably. I’m

not a parenting expert or an ethicist, I just like explaining social science research findings. All I’m saying is that if you get desperate and you need your kids to do something quietly

while you have your work Zoom call, it’s an option. You’re welcome. REFERENCES Chan, A. C. Y., & Au, T. K. F. (2011). Getting children to do more academic work: foot-in-the-door versus

door-in-the-face. _Teaching and Teacher Education_, _27_(6), 982–985. Cialdini, R. B., Vincent, J. E., Lewis, S. K., Catalan, J., Wheeler, D., & Darby, B. L. (1975). Reciprocal

concessions procedure for inducing compliance: The door-in-the-face technique. _Journal of Personality and Social Psychology_, _31_(2), 206. Gouldner, A. W. (1960). The norm of reciprocity:

A preliminary statement. _American Sociological Review_, _25_(2), 161–178. O’Keefe, D. J., & Hale, S. L. (2001). An odds‐ratio‐based meta‐analysis of research on the door‐in‐the‐face

influence strategy. _Communication Reports_, _14_(1), 31–38.