The Funniest Stories from 'The Pump and Dump Show' : For Moms Who Have Cleaned 'Poop Off the Wall' The comedic duo just released their first book, Parentally Incorrect: True Tales by Real

Moms About the F**ked Up Things Their Kids Have Done

By Sam Gillette Sam Gillette Sam Gillette is a writer/reporter at PEOPLE. She first joined PEOPLE in 2016.People Editorial GuidelinesPublished on March 16, 2018 04:54PM EDT In the era of

mommy blogs and debates about the best ways to give birth, there isn’t much space for imperfect mothers and their crazy kids. Enter moms Shayna Ferm and Tracey Tee, the creators of The Pump

real moms during their interactive show’s “The Most F—ed Up Thing My Kid Has Done” segment. Ferm, 40, and Tee, 41, have traveled the country for more than five years entertaining parents who

need a night out (and a night off). They’ve given PEOPLE an exclusive look at some of the funniest (and most cringe-worthy) index cards submitted by moms.

“We created this book so that parents everywhere (moms, specifically) can all share a laugh about the things we all have in common … parenting is messed up and ridiculous and kids can be

really f—ed up sometimes,” the stars told PEOPLE. “This book is a collection of true stories from real moms about some pretty crazy s— that’s gone down with their kids.”

Ferm, who has two kids (ages 5 and 7), and Tee, who has one child (age 7), first became friends in eighth grade and went on to pursue separate careers before coming together in their love of

comedy. The Pump and Dump Show started at a bar in Denver, Colorado, in 2012, because, as Ferm explained on Megyn Kelly TODAY: “We were in the throes of new parenthood and just were

drowning. We felt like moms needed a night out.”

Tyler Essary/NBC/NBCU Photo Bank via Getty Currently the duo is touring nationwide. The popularity of The Pump and Dump Show is proof that an irreverent show about parenting is just what

most moms and dads need to stay sane. Parentally Incorrect is one more way the comedians will help parents celebrate the beautiful insanity that is raising children.

“This book is for every mom who has ever had to clean poop off the wall, had her toilet clogged with 10 boxes of Kleenex, fished dog food out of her toddlers mouth, or witnessed her kid

peeing inappropriately in public,” Ferm and Tell explained. “No matter what kind of mom you are, or how well you think you have this parenting thing figured out (or not), we all have kids

that do weird things. So basically, we created this book for every mom on the planet.”

Shayna Ferm & Tracey Tee, authors of Parentally Incorrect and creators of The Pump & Dump Show See below for some of the funniest/worst/most-mortifying mommy stories ever.

“My daughter ripped a handful of chest hair off my husband [and] fed it to the dog. He threw up. She threw up. He ate her vomit.” Shayna Ferm & Tracey Tee, authors of Parentally Incorrect

and creators of The Pump & Dump Show “We rang the doorbell at my sister’s house. I said, ‘Do you see her?’ My daughter said, ‘Yes, here comes the hooker.'” Shayna Ferm & Tracey Tee, authors

of Parentally Incorrect and creators of The Pump & Dump Show “We discovered that our 4 year-old-son was peeing in the corners of his room at night. When we asked him why he said, ‘The penis

does what it wants to.'” Shayna Ferm & Tracey Tee, authors of Parentally Incorrect and creators of The Pump & Dump Show “My daughter knows the tooth fairy is not real. When I did not leave

[money] under the pillow, the next day she demanded more [money] than usual to not tell her little sister.” Shayna Ferm & Tracey Tee, authors of Parentally Incorrect and creators of The Pump

& Dump Show “I (mom) recently broke [my] leg and was asking [my] 5-year-old daughter for help. Me: ‘Can you throw this away for me?’ 5 year old: ‘I’m pretty sure your arms aren’t broken.'”

Shayna Ferm & Tracey Tee, authors of Parentally Incorrect and creators of The Pump & Dump Show “Pulled a piece of bacon out his mouth at lunch. We had bacon for breakfast.” Shayna Ferm &

Tracey Tee, authors of Parentally Incorrect and creators of The Pump & Dump Show “My 6 year old told her teacher that I don’t do anything but drink wine and sleep all day.” Shayna Ferm &

Tracey Tee, authors of Parentally Incorrect and creators of The Pump & Dump Show “My son called 911 when I was out in the yard because he thought I wasn’t coming back. The police showed up

and everything.” Shayna Ferm & Tracey Tee, authors of Parentally Incorrect and creators of The Pump & Dump Show “My daughter asked Santa for ‘Boobs and a Butler’ last Christmas to my

complete horror in front of my mom and in-laws. Awesome.” Shayna Ferm & Tracey Tee, authors of Parentally Incorrect and creators of The Pump & Dump Show Parentally Incorrect is on sale now.

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