'Your Guests Tonight Are ... Gummy Bears' and More of Stephen Colbert's Weirdest 'GQ' Quotes About His 'Late Show' Plus, why he always wants to do things that feel "wrong"

By Julia Emmanuele Julia Emmanuele Julia Emmanuele is a former writer/reporter at PEOPLE. She left PEOPLE in 2018.People Editorial GuidelinesPublished on August 17, 2015 11:25AM EDT Credit :

Paul Zimmerman/Getty Part of the fun of being a Stephen Colbert fan is never quite knowing what he’s going to do next. Co-headline a political rally in D.C.? Dance his way through

late-night TV? Compare his future guests to gummy bears?

Don’t get us wrong: We love when Colbert gets weird (Wrist Strong, anyone?). Still, there were more than a few lines that left us scratching our heads upon first reading …

An Unexpected Late Show Comparison“This show is [like the Food Network’s] Chopped. Late-night shows are Chopped. Who are your guests tonight? Your guests tonight are veal tongue, coffee

grounds and gummy bears. There, make a show. Make an appetizer that appeals to millions of people. That’s what I like. How could you possibly do it? Oh, you bring in your own flavors. Your

own house band is another flavor. You have your own flavor. The audience itself is a base dish, like a rice pilaf or something. And then together it’s ‘Oh s—, that’s an actual meal.’ ”

On His Comedic Motivations“I just want to do things that scratch an itch for me. That itch is often something that feels wrong. It’s wrong because it breaks convention or is unexpected or at

times uncomfortable. I like that feeling.

On Why He Started Moisturizing“I have a face like a catcher’s mitt.”

On the Late Show "Process"“The end product is jokes, but you could easily say the end product is intention. Having intentionality at all times The process of process is process.”

On Why You Should Never Bite into a Coffee K-Cup“I am high as a kite right now! I tried to wash my nose out, but all I did was brew a cup of pumpkin-spice coffee in my nose.”

On His Relationship with the Rest of the World“I’m a very uncomfortable person. I really like people, and I also don’t always know what to do with them. I have always had an eclectic roster

of friends, but there’s something about my work that speaks to a deep discomfort with being in society.”

On the Value of Embarrassment“I like to do things that are publicly embarrassing, to feel the embarrassment touch me and sink into me and then be gone. I like getting on elevators and

singing too loudly in that small space. The feeling you feel is almost like a vapor. The discomfort and the wishing that it would end that comes around you. I would do things like that and

just breathe it in.”

We might not have any clearer idea of what we can expect from The Late Show after that interview, but, if this interview is any indication, The Colbert Report it definitely will not be.

RELATED VIDEO: Stephen Colbert, Julia Roberts Say Goodbye to David Letterman The Late Show with Stephen Colbert

premieres Sept. 8 on CBS.

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